Moving Forward from My Past

Commend your past to God's mercy; 
Commend your future to God's providence; 
Consecrate your present to God's love.


My husband sent these words to me when I was deployed in 2010.  I can't imagine the strength it took for him to send me these words since I betrayed him during my previous deployment.  But that's the kind of man he is.  So strong.  Although for a long time he questioned his strength.

For a while when we were working on reconciliation he thought others who knew of our situation would view him as weak.  Weak for staying with a woman who would betray him.  And every time he brought up his feelings I tried so hard to make him see that he was in fact the strongest man I knew.

He forgave me before I could even think about forgiving myself.  And although last week I blogged that I didn't know how I forgave myself, it was through this week's reading that I think I may have found the answer.  Or at least part of the answer.

I was dwelling so much on the past that I couldn't deal with the past and move forward.  I kept seeing who I was and couldn't see the new person that I was becoming.  I kept seeing who I was and couldn't see the person Jesus could see.  And I kept seeing who I was and couldn't see the person that my husband was actually able to see.

I've also learned this week that actions in our past may describe us, but they don't define us.  I have changed how I define myself.  I used to define myself by my failures.  Now I define myself as a faithful follower of Christ, a wife who strives to improve each day, and a mother who strives to be more patient each day.

I've learned to commend my past to God's mercy.  He is so merciful that he forgave me before anyone else did, or really, before anyone else could.

I absolutely consecrate my present to God's love.  His love is so sacred.  His love is enough.  His love has to come before all else.  For a while after I betrayed my husband, I started putting my husband before all else.  And I did need to put him before myself, and before some others, but I learned that no matter how much I love my husband, I cannot put him before Jesus.

And I am commending my future to God's providence.  By doing so, I strive to help others who have been affected by infidelity.  Some of the people I have helped have been the betrayer.  Some have been the betrayed.  I pray that I am able to provide something to these people who are in so much pain, whether the pain was put upon them by their loved ones or whether that pain was self-inflicted.

I came across this quote earlier this week and it sums up exactly what I had been praying for.  I believe this is where I am at finally.

"She had been forgiven, so she could forgive. She had been set free, so she could lead other captives to freedom. She knew she belonged to Him and invited others into the Father’s love. She had been broken but now she was beautiful— an offering of God’s forgiveness and grace."